Gravity Collapse » observations

Tee shirt slogan: “surfer dreams is wet”

gravitycollapse — Mon, 26 Jun 2006 03:40:01 +0000

Yeah, I get what they were trying for…but I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw that slogan on a girl’s tee shirt on the subway in Beijing.

Surfer Dreams Is Wet. Indeed.

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Overheard: “You ever heard of waitress service?”

gravitycollapse — Tue, 09 May 2006 06:23:04 +0000

I decided to pop into The King tonight and purchase a delicious double cheeseburger. There was a rather large, and, as it turns out, rather surly man in line ahead of us. We walked in right after he ordered, and the girl behind the counter was giving him his tray of food.

The man wanted a straw, which is a reasonable enough request in and of itself. The girl, also rather reasonably, pointed to the right where all the straws and napkins and ketchup and stuff was, telling him he could get one.

Surly Man apparently didn’t see the straws. He got really angry, yelling back at the girl: “Look, I see toys for kids meals and napkins and a bunch of other stuff but I don’t see straws. I do see them behind the counter, though, why the hell can’t I have one of those?” As she gave him one to shut his annoying ass up, he bellowed his big zinger: “You ever heard of waitress service?”

I just thought to myself, “Dude…you’re in fucking Burger King, and this girl is not a waitress.” However, his largeness combined with his surliness ensured that this point of view remained safely ensconced inside my thought balloon.

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Note to self: never shake the bucket of nuts before you’re tied to the yak rope

gravitycollapse — Tue, 02 May 2006 20:27:15 +0000

Truer words have never been spoken.

This BBC article quotes Time Asia, reporting about a unique new tourist attraction in India. Apparently run (and started?) by one man (Peter Dorje), this “sport” entails going up on a mountain with a bunch of yaks, attaching yourself to a rope and a pulley mechanism, shaking a bucket of pony nuts*, and then really really hoping or praying to your god that the rope or pulley doesn’t break as this giant yak comes stampeding down the mountain at you. When all works well, you get yanked UP the hill while the yak charges down.

What happens when you get to the top, I don’t know. Maybe you are catapulted off the other side of the mountain and you land somewhere in Nepal. That would be cool. Sign me up.

Anyway, the sage advice from Mr. Dorje is “Never shake the bucket of nuts before you’re tied to the yak rope.”, and, you know, I am not going to argue with the apparent yak skiing inventor.

* I was going to be all cool and informative and link to something describing what pony nuts are, but incredibly, a search for “pony nuts” (with the quotes) returned zero results on Google when I tried it (perhaps some kind of anomaly). So, I’m sorry I can’t tell you what the hell a “pony nut” is…but apparently yaks like them.

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Overheard on the street: “she’s out”

gravitycollapse — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 09:12:23 +0000

Walking down Second Avenue today, and overheard this lovely gem. Three guys were walking down the street, and one of them was apparently regaling the other two with tales of his new girlfriend.

guy: …yeah, but this new girl, she knows what time it is. Right now, everything’s cool, but I told her if she make one mistake, she’s out!

Riiiiiiiiiiight.

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Turkey diagnoses bird flu

gravitycollapse — Thu, 05 Jan 2006 13:09:36 +0000

I was looking at news.bbc.co.uk yesterday, as I do pretty much every day at least once, and this headline caught my eye:

Gotta love those cheeky British headline writers…

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Post tags: media, observations

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Another NY moment

gravitycollapse — Wed, 03 Mar 2004 05:14:55 +0000

Riding my bike home from a basketball game, and I saw a guy on rollerblades…probably a teenage kid…just totally fall on his ass.

This was funny enough…but he did it near an intersection where a lot of cars were waiting at a red light, and one of the drivers rolls down his window and yells “Hey buddy. Get a new hobby!”.

I love the compassion of people in this town sometimes…

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Vermin specialists?

gravitycollapse — Mon, 29 Sep 2003 09:51:43 +0000

OK, so the other day I was riding my bike and I got stuck on a sidestreet behind a pest control truck.

Normally, bikers in Manhattan are kind of like octupii — we can slither around and squeeze between anything: pedestrians, trucks, mailboxes, etc. and so on. But every once in a while, the truck’s too close to a curb, which has a poorly placed mailbox, and some other guy pulls right up on your left to the bumper and you are stuck — temporarily, of course, until the light turns green.

Anyway, I had 10-15 seconds to kill, standing there in the street on my bike, so I read the back of the truck. I forget the name of the company, but that’s not important now.

On the left side of the truck, it said “Pest Control”. On the right side it said “Vermin Specialists”.

And I laughed.

Then, I wanted to know why I laughed. Like, was it appropriate?

(...)
Read the rest of Vermin specialists? (287 words)

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Bad spam

gravitycollapse — Sat, 08 Sep 2001 12:56:16 +0000

Tonight I got this email:

–
Hot and beautiful gals….. 2 live shows with FULL chat

Geisha Japaneese gallery….tons on beauties

Movie clips and videos with a HUGE database of
action packed scenes…..behind, upfront, classic, etc…
–

That’s all there was in it. Apparently, they just wanted to inform me that somewhere there exists a HUGE database of action packed scenes, many of which involve Geisha Japaneese (sic) women.

Hello dumbasses? Might you want to include the URL?

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Post tags: internet, observations, spam

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Overheard on the street: “guaranteed ass”

gravitycollapse — Sat, 25 Aug 2001 09:19:58 +0000

Last night I was over by Chelsea Piers (this giant sports complex on the Hudson), and two guys were walking by, trying to figure out what to do with their evening.

guy 1: …Naw, man…I’d rather go to the party.

guy 2: Yo, man, but if we hang with those bitches, it’s guaranteed ass!

guy 1: Yeah, I guess you’re right.

Hmmm…yeah, i guess it is hard to turn down “guaranteed ass”, after all…

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ahhh…NYC living

gravitycollapse — Thu, 09 Aug 2001 04:27:15 +0000

So today they were filming yet another cop drama right outside my apartment building. Now, when you live in Manhattan, you get used to movie sets, but this experience today was particularly annoying.

Basically, movie crews are like roaches here, both in that they are annoying, and in that they are everywhere. and they love to shoot in my neighborhood. They shoot, among other things, NYPD Blue, Law and Order, Law and Order: Special Victims Unit and others in my ‘hood. Today they were filming a movie, I think.

My crystal ball tells me this screenplay probably features a belligerent “Sarge” and a lead cop that’s “getting too old for this shit”. I think one of the actors was Peter Boyle, but I didn’t bother pulling out my telephoto lens to check.

Ugh…I’m getting too bored for this shit.

But what made this experience different is that they were shooting right outside my building. So, this ends up having irritating consequences.

(...)
Read the rest of ahhh…NYC living (301 words)

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